Having lived in Austin for 15 years, I’ve seen a lot of folks come and go. After I graduated from UT, about half the people I had met moved to another city, state, or country. About 3 million people move across state lines every year, many of whom are in their 20s and 30s. It’s exciting to move to a new city, but it can also be lonely. You’d be surprised how many people are in the same boat of wanting to meet people and make friends as an adult and finding that challenging to navigate.
So, how do we get our need for connection met when we’re in a new place, far away from our people? Let’s talk about some strategies.
- Put yourself out there
My fellow introverts will cringe to see this one. Making friends is sort of like dating: you’ll never find someone by sitting on your couch by yourself. Join an intramural sports team that doesn’t care about winning (or does!). Go to a trivia or board game night and ask a group if you can join them. Find something you enjoy that has an activity structured into it and meet like-minded people, like an art class or a foreign language conversation group. Check out Meetup groups or Do512. There are lots of people also trying to meet people. And, just like dating, sometimes you’ll find people you like and sometimes you won’t jive so well. It’s best to give a group a few tries before giving up on it. - Become a “Yes Man”
Say “yes” to what the people you meet suggest or invite you to do. You open yourself up to more opportunities to build connection and meet even more people this way. Worst case scenario, you have a weird, funny story to tell the people about that one time you went to a random ecstatic dance party. - Start suggesting things to do with other people
Once you start meeting people, you don’t have to wait for someone else to invite you. If one person is busy or can’t come, ask someone else, until you figure out who is down to hang out. Invite others on a hike, or to a smoothie shop you want to check out, or to a pub crawl. Going to things means meeting even more people. - Initiate the kind of connection you want
Sometimes we get stuck in a plateau where we know people who we can go out and have a good time with, but haven’t found our people we can just invite over to play video games, work out together, or bum around and watch TV. Or maybe we want to be able to talk to someone to get something off our chest and get support. The only way to get to that place is for one of you to initiate the kind of connection you want. If both people are waiting for the other person to initiate, you’ll never get there. - Don’t be too quick to write someone off
Sometimes we’re too quick to dismiss people as potential friends because we’re pretty different people. Try this thought exercise: think about the friends you have already. If you met them now, do you think you’d become friends with them? For me, some of my friends and I are pretty different and I wouldn’t have thought we’d become so close as we did. I’ve also met people who were super similar to me who I didn’t end up becoming very close with. Of course, we all have our non-negotiables, like having similar core values. We may also have friends we prefer to see in spaced-out chunks if they’re a little intense. But in general, having friends who are different from you adds much-needed spice to life. - Call or video chat with people back home
One thing I miss from the pre-texting days is spending hours on the phone with people. Connect with people back home, and not just when you’ve having a difficult time. If you have an extra 30 minutes in your day, give one of your friends a call and just shoot the shit. Maybe you’ve never called them on the phone before, but you’ve also never lived 6 states away before. Laughing with a good friend is the closest you can get to a hug when you’re far away.
Make sure you’re also trying to make friends where you live, though, because if your only connections are with people back home, you might start getting so homesick that you move back. Which is totally okay! But I know you also want to give the city you’re in a fair shot before you decide to leave. - Bonus Tip: Download a “Looking for friends’ app
Bumble BFF, Meetup, and Meet My Dog are just a few of the dozen or so apps out there that are helping people get connected. The nice thing about these apps is that everyone on there is looking for the exact same thing you are.
Find balance, feel at peace. Reach out and connect with an Austin EMDR Therapist today.
