Seeing a therapist can feel like a big deal, especially if we’ve never been to a therapist before or if we’ve had experiences with a therapist we didn’t mesh well with. How do you know when it’s time to look into seeing someone? Let’s discuss.
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Your main strategy for coping with hard life stuff is avoidance and distraction
A lot of us received messages growing up that the way to get through something hard is to buckle down and white-knuckle through it until it doesn’t bother you anymore. This strategy works–until it doesn’t. The thing about emotions is that when we shove them down, they don’t go away. They stay there and build. And build. And build. Until we feel like a soda bottle that’s been shaken up and we might explode or fall apart at the slightest touch. Your therapist can help you learn ways to manage big feelings as they come up by talking through them, making sense of them, and taking care of yourself with coping strategies.
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You feel off but don’t know why
Sometimes this can be a byproduct of shoving feelings down. When we’re too nervous to check in with ourselves for fear of finding a huge feeling we don’t know how to handle, like rage or grief, we start to lose touch with ourselves over time. This can lead us to feel like we’re wandering through life with no purpose or direction, just a vaguely unsettled feeling that we’re not sure how to fix. Getting back in touch with yourself with the support of a therapist can help you get information about how you’re feeling and what you need. For example, someone might feel dissatisfied and disconnected from their romantic partner because they haven’t been getting their needs met. This could stem from a pattern of expecting others to let you down or tell you that you’re too “needy” if you make your needs known. Your therapist can help you work through this so that you can get your needs met in your relationship.
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You have a hard time feeling good
When we numb out and ignore our inner experience, we’re shutting ourselves off to all emotions, not just the bad ones. We may also feel so hurt by past experiences that the thought of opening ourselves up to good things feels downright dangerous. Maybe we’re not in the habit of considering our own needs, preferring to make sure everyone else is happy instead. Have you ever considered a hard choice and asked yourself “What option will bring me the most amount of happiness?” If not, you may be, as the saying goes, lighting yourself on fire to keep other people warm. Your therapist can help you slow down and consider how you can take care of yourself without compromising your values of kindness and caring for others.
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You feel you need to talk about something but you don’t feel comfortable bringing it up to a friend or family member
Sometimes we just want someone totally neutral and removed from the situation to talk to. Someone who won’t judge us or “yes man” us. Someone who will help us figure out what’s going on and what we want to do next. It doesn’t say anything bad about our friends or family, it’s just that it’s a different kind of relationship and dynamic we have with a therapist. Our loved ones care about us, so it’s impossible for them to be neutral about certain stuff. Your therapist knows that you are the expert on your life, and therapy can be a tool to use to get in touch with that part of you that knows what it wants and feels grounded and certain in your decisions.
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You’re still reading this page
If you have to ask, the answer is probably, yes, it’s time to see a therapist. I hear from a lot of people who have never done therapy before that they wished they had seen me when they were growing up, or two years earlier, or that now that they’ve experienced it, they think just about everyone could benefit from therapy. You won’t know if it’s helpful until you give it a try. What you do know is that what’s happening now isn’t working out so great, so why not see how a therapist might be able to help?
Find balance, feel at peace. Reach out and connect with an Austin EMDR Therapist today.
