Do you suffer from Mean Brain Syndrome? Is your brain an expert in identifying 100s of ways that you suck? Welcome to the club, population: everyone.
Negative thoughts dress up in lots of different ways: imposter syndrome, anxiety, depression, you name it. They come up at the most inopportune times, like when you’re getting ready to do something hard, or when you’re trying to relax and unwind for bed. Seriously, negative thoughts have zero sense of timing.
Why we evolved to have negative thoughts
Our brain has evolved to pay attention to the negative as a survival instinct. The cavemen who were cautious and wary often lived longer than the ones who were constantly cheerful and blindly optimistic. Our brain evolved to turn over and over past mistakes we have made to try and make sure they don’t happen again. Thanks, brain, but I’m pretty sure there’s no evolutionary advantage to me still thinking about that one time in Ms. Erikson’s class in 5th grade.
How can we turn down the volume of our negative thoughts?
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, or ACT, has a really beautiful philosophy on negative thoughts. In ACT, we talk about how negative thoughts come up for everyone. They also pretend to have a lot more power than they actually do. Negative thoughts can’t actually physically stop you from doing things. It can also feel exhausting to argue with them or try to push them away. So, in ACT, we learn to coexist with negative thoughts. We learn to be roommates in our head with them. They can be there, doing their thing, and I’ll be over here doing mine. This way, I can have negative thoughts, but they’re not actually preventing me from living the life I want to live or doing the things I want to do.
How do we get to this place of peaceful coexisting with our really mean thoughts? I’m so glad you asked! There’s a lot more to ACT than I can fit into this blog post, but here are some tricks we use in ACT to help manage negative thoughts.
- “I’m having the thought that…”
- Put some space between yourself and the thought. Try saying the negative thought you’re having out loud. See how that feels to say it. Now, try saying the same negative thought, but start your sentence with “I’m having the thought that…[negative thought].” See how it feels to say that. You may feel like the thought is more distant, quieter, or easier to let it pass by. I like to imagine it’s like a mosquito buzzing around my head–annoying, but it’s not going to keep me from doing what I want to do.
- For example: “I’m such a failure.” vs. “I’m having the thought that I’m a failure.”
- Give your thoughts a persona
- Give a ridiculous, silly, or over the top persona and voice to your negative thoughts. This is kind of like the Boggart from Harry Potter, where you take something you fear and make it ridiculous (like a giant spider with slippery skates on). We can take our thoughts a little less seriously if we put them in the voice of Squidward from Spongebob Squarepants, or Lady Catherine from Pride and Prejudice.
- Monsters on the Bus
- Imagine your thoughts are monsters riding on a bus that you’re driving. The monsters can be loud and annoying, and you can still drive the bus to where you need to go. I knew someone once who liked to tell the monsters to sit down and put their seatbelts on when the thoughts were getting particularly loud.
- Sing it!
- Put your negative thoughts to song. It gets harder to take them seriously if they’re to the tune of Jingle Bells or Old Mac Donald Had a Farm. You can do this out loud or in your head.
- “Thank you, brain!”
- When your negative thoughts start coming, respond to them by saying “Thanks, Brain!” Some people like to give this a playful tone, some like to lean into saying it with some compassion.
- “You’re such an idiot!”
- “Thanks, Brain!” 🙂
- “No, really, you are really stupid. Everyone is going to figure out you’re such an incompetent loser.”
- “Thanks, Brain!” 😉
- “That stuff won’t work on me! You’re still an idiot!”
- “Thanks, Brain!” ^ ^
- …and so on.
- Leaves on a Stream
- The Leaves on a Stream mindfulness meditation is a wonderful way to practice letting your thoughts flow by. Imagine sitting by a stream, picture the water flowing by and the scenery around you. When thoughts come to mind, good, bad, or neutral, picture placing the thought on a leaf and watching it float by. Don’t try to stop it or hurry it along, just watch it float by. If the thought comes back, place it on a leaf and watch it float by again. You may have thoughts like “This will never work”, “I’m not doing it right”, or “I still feel anxious”. Place those thoughts on leaves as well and watch them float by. This helps us practice remaining calm and being in control of how much energy and attention we give to our thoughts, helping us give more energy and attention to the thoughts that are helpful to us and not the ones holding us back.
- Leaves on a Stream Guide: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=exLaebgFO_8
- Prioritize Your Values
- If we let negative thoughts tell us what to do, we’d never get anything done. Instead of being guided by negative thoughts, think about your values and what matters to you. Russ Harris, the founder of ACT, says it beautifully:
- “I’m going to do what’s important in my heart, living my values. Because that’s what matters to me, that’s the person I want to be, that’s what I want to stand for in life. Let your values motivate you, so that even if you don’t feel like doing it, even if you’re really tired, or stressed, or anxious, or miserable, you can still do what matters.”
- Russ Harris video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jN677MKo0EA
What are your thoughts about these tips? You’ll notice some of them are playful, which is one thing I love about ACT. Anxiety really hates silliness–it tends to get huffy and leave when we get playful with it. ACT also talks a lot about values, which can give us clarity when we’re not sure what direction to go in or what we may need more of in our lives.
Find balance, feel at peace. Reach out and connect with an Austin EMDR Therapist today.
