Setting the Scene
Between high school and starting college, I had an amazing opportunity come up to live and go to school in La Rochelle, France for a year. Living in another country is something I wish everyone could experience. We grow up immersed in a set of beliefs from family, from our local community, from our culture, and from our country. Travel helps us get a different perspective on things and exposure to different belief systems.
France Does Self Care a Little Differently
One thing I noticed that the French did differently was how they thought about self care. I think it’s perfectly described in the way they drink coffee. Whenever I ordered a coffee, it would come with a small piece of chocolate on the side: a small, delightful treat to be enjoyed. I also had a small dessert served with my school cafeteria lunch every day, and usually a small treat my host family shared for dessert after dinner at home, even if it was just a fruity yogurt.
Think about this contrasted with the American way we think about dessert and sweets. They’re often something we are avoiding because of a diet, or trying to cut down on sugar, or because sweets are saved for a “reward” for something special that’s happened. We typically deny, deny, deny, and then “splurge” on a big piece of chocolate cake at a restaurant, or a pint of ice cream. It’s 0 to 100. Then what do we do? We feel guilty at how much sugar we ate, how much we cheated on our diet, how many calories we just consumed before bed. We don’t even give ourselves long to enjoy the dessert because we instantly start feeling guilty about it.
Hey America, your puritanical roots are showing!
It Goes Beyond Food
I think this shows up in many more ways than just food. In France, the government mandates that all full time employees receive at least 5 weeks vacation time every year. In the United States there is no federally mandated law for minimum vacation time, and most people receive 2 weeks of vacation each year. My own father has worked at the same company for 35 years and still only receives 2 weeks of vacation annually. He used to pride himself on not even taking his maximum vacation time each year, feeling that it was evidence of what a hard worker he was. (Thankfully in more recent years he’s been more likely to use up all his time taking trips around the country with my mother.)
Our Puritan work ethic is still very much alive and well in the US. How often have you heard someone describe their weekend in terms of how “productive” it was? “I had a great weekend, I got so much stuff done!” or “Man I was so not productive this weekend, I did absolutely nothing.” How sad that we often rate the little time we have off by how hard we worked! So often we work, work, work until we’re totally burned out and don’t have the energy to do anything but scroll our phones and avoid any more responsibilities.
Being “On” All the Time Takes a Toll
With how much time we devote to work or to chores at home, it’s no wonder that often we feel all we have the energy to do is watch TV in our off hours. What would it be like to prioritize your interests, your hobbies, things you enjoy just for the sake of enjoying them? To learn a language you’ve always been interested in for no practical reason, to take guitar lessons just because you’ve always wanted to learn how to play, to make time to catch up with that friend you’ve been meaning to call.
“I’d love to, Stephani, but I don’t have room in my schedule to do that!” Well, sure you don’t, you haven’t made time for it! It might mean working an extra hour so that you can take that cycling class at noon on a Friday. Or rearranging your schedule to attend that artsy felting class with a friend and getting takeout instead of cooking at home. It could even mean not taking on every optional side project and committee at work so that you have more time for other things that are important to you in life.
Spokes on a Wheel
One way to think about this is like spokes on a bike wheel. Each spoke represents a value of yours, like Relationships, Personal Growth, Creativity, Career, and Fun. If one of your spokes takes up way more time and energy than the others, our bike wheel gets wobbly. We feel out of sync with ourselves, dissatisfied, and drained. Follow these steps to check in with yourself about how you can feel more balanced and connected to what’s important to you.
- What are the spokes on your wheel? What’s important to you in your life?
- Are there any spokes that are taking up too much time and energy? Are there any that aren’t getting enough attention? How often are you engaging in these weekly? Daily?
- What steps can you take to help yourself feel more balanced in your values on a weekly or daily basis?
Find balance, feel at peace. Reach out and connect with an Austin EMDR Therapist today.
