Healing from Interpersonal Trauma

Important people let you down in significant ways.

Thalia* never realized until she grew up just how different her family was from others. She didn’t know it wasn’t normal for her mom to yell at her for asking what was for dinner. She didn’t realize that parents were supposed to like their kids and want to spend time with them.

Thalia learned at an early age that her feelings and needs were unacceptable – or just plain uninteresting – to the people who were supposed to care for her.

Now, she wants a healthy adult relationship with someone she loves but feels like she’s missing chapters of a book everyone else has read.

Not all relationships are normal.

Devon* thought his relationship with Nadine was normal. Nadine was always mad and yelling, but that’s because he was always messing up. Right?

Devon never questioned that he would forget to thaw the chicken for dinner, and Nadine would seethe in angry silence for days or explode and tell him long lists of everything wrong with him.

After the relationship ended, Devon started thinking that maybe not everything was as “normal” as he thought. Now, Devon feels like he can’t trust his mind. What if he’s blowing everything out of proportion? What if he’s not being assertive enough?

After living so long with someone who told him everything he said and did and thought was wrong, Devon is having difficulty trusting himself.

You are not what has happened to you.

Thalia begins seeing a therapist. She starts to understand where her uncertainty comes from and begins to respect her feelings and needs instead of ignoring them and hoping for the best.

Thalia learns to check in with herself about what she wants in any given situation and how to ask for what she needs. She is becoming the person she needed when she was younger.

Devon gives therapy a try for the first time. He starts processing his relationship with Nadine and understanding how their dynamics feed into his constantly questioning himself.

Devon starts experimenting with trusting himself and finds out he has an excellent internal barometer that gives him great feedback about how he’s feeling and what he needs.

It’s not too late for a change.

Thalia has recently met someone fantastic. Even though it’s scary at first, she’s upfront and honest about what she wants and needs and how she’s feeling.

And, to her surprise, the person she’s dating is understanding, kind, patient, interested in her internal experiences, and concerned about her well-being. She never knew a relationship could feel this good. Trusting herself and someone else feels like the hardest and the most natural thing she has ever done.

Devon’s recently heard from Nadine. She wants to get back together and says she’s sorry for everything. After being in therapy, Devon can take a hard look at what it would take for him to be happy in a relationship and whether he thinks it’s possible to get there with Nadine. Whatever Devon chooses, he can feel confident that he’s always got his own back and won’t let himself end up in another unhappy relationship.

You can heal from interpersonal trauma, and your relationships can become better. Thalia and Devon learned this lesson through therapy, and so can you. Contact me today, so we change how you deal with interpersonal interactions.

*Names and stories are composite narratives and do not reflect actual clients.