Dating can be so super exciting and also incredibly nerve-wracking. This is a product of the inherent uncertainty of dating. Will this person be The One? Will they completely screw me over? Will I find that “spark”? Will they call when they say they will? So much potential good, and so much potential disappointment. Me, I appreciate consistency, reliability, and predictability. All that uncertainty made me really anxious, to the point that it was hard to remember I was supposed to be having fun sometimes. If this sounds like you, read below for some tips on how to have fun while dating, even if you struggle with anxiety.
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Tell your brain everything is okay via body language
When we’re hunched over, shoulders up to our ears, arms crossed, we’re tensing muscles and communicating to our brain that we’re protecting ourselves…in other words, that there is a threat. Sit up or relax back into your chair slightly. Pull your head back over your torso so that you’re conveying relaxed confidence. Uncross your arms and relax/slightly lift your eyebrows if they’re frowning. See how different that already feels? This is body language you can adopt when you’re by yourself or when you’re actually on your date to communicate to your brain: “Everything is okay. I wouldn’t be using relaxed body language if there was a threat, so there is no threat.” Remember to breathe!
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Make your number 1 priority to have fun
Not to impress the other person, not to get another date, just to have fun. This helps you relax and focus on having a good time. It also helps reframe your dating experience as “Is this bringing me happiness?”, which can help us feel more comfortable asking for what we want. This mindset additionally helps us to stop blaming ourselves when our connection with someone fizzles out: it’s not a “failure”, it’s just that it’s no longer bringing me joy, and joy is what I’m looking for. Making it your priority to have fun has the added benefit of making us seem more open, friendly, and warm in a way that’s totally genuine.
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When things don’t go well, think of it as bad candidates showing themselves out
You don’t want things to go well with the wrong person and find out you’re incompatible 6 months down the road. Be somewhat flexible, but don’t be afraid to call ‘em as you see ‘em and end something that’s not working. You’ll free up more time and energy to put towards meeting someone you really click with.
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Remember times that dating has gone well.
If your brain is tuned into the “I’ll never find someone, I’m so alone,” Doom and Gloom radio station, think of dates you had a lot of fun on, or relationships that have been meaningful to you. It reminds you that you can connect with people, and you’ve learned even more about yourself since then.
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Ask yourself the question: “What would I be doing if I wasn’t feeling anxious right now?”
You might be asking them more questions, texting them to tell them you had a good time, or planning with them to schedule your next date. If they respond well, great! You’ve found someone who likes your natural communication style. If they don’t like that you texted too soon after, or too late, or whatever, adjust if that feels good to you, but don’t be afraid to let go of a bad match.
Find balance, feel at peace. Reach out and connect with an Austin EMDR Therapist today.
