You’re at your desk, re-reading an email you have typed in draft for the 8th time. It’s been 30 minutes since you sat down to start writing this message. Every time you consider hitting the “send” button, anxiety wells up and your mind starts turning over “what if?” questions like crazy. What if my tone is too demanding? What if I forgot something important and I look incompetent? What if I accidentally typed a cuss word or some other rude thing in this message? So you re-read it again. And again. And…ugh!
One trick that can be helpful for this kind of situation is asking yourself a question:
What would my thoughts be if I wasn’t feeling anxious?
What would I be doing if I wasn’t feeling anxious?
Let’s start with the first question: What would my thoughts be if I wasn’t feeling anxious? I’d probably be thinking that if I had said something bad in my email I would have definitely caught it by now, the email is fine, and it’s time to send it. I might be thinking that even if my email isn’t perfect, it’s definitely ‘good enough’. Also I have other stuff I need to get to. And send.
Next question: What would I be doing if I wasn’t feeling anxious? Let’s use another example. Say you’re at home alone and anxiety starts creeping up on you. Maybe you’re turning an interaction at work around and around in your head. Maybe you’re thinking about how the last few dates you’ve been on have fizzled out. Maybe you’re reeling from reading the news (I know I have been lately!). It’s hard to think or focus on anything but the anxious thoughts. Now ask yourself, What would I be doing if I wasn’t feeling anxious?
I might see what my friend Maria is up to, maybe she wants to do a last minute dinner tonight or go out this Friday? Maybe I’ll ask out that guy I’ve been chatting with on Tinder for coffee this weekend. Maybe I realize that my apartment is super cluttered, and tidying up might help me feel less chaotic on the inside. Maybe I decide I just want to curl up with my cat and re-watch my favorite TV show or play a video game. Maybe I have a lot of pent up energy that I could get out by going on a walk since I haven’t done any exercise in a while. Maybe I realize that that conversation with my friend Ryan actually kind of bothered me and I want to circle back and talk to him about it. Whatever it is, I do it, and I’m likely to feel better than if I stayed paralyzed by the anxiety.
If you’ve never tried either of these techniques, give them a go next time you’re feeling anxious. When it feels like we have anxiety blinders on, this cognitive method can give us some clarity about what we want to do next and help us move on with our day.
Find balance, feel at peace. Reach out and connect with an Austin EMDR Therapist today.
