It may surprise you to know that some negative thoughts are so common that they’ve been named and categorized. These are called cognitive distortions. Cognitive distortions are ways that anxiety, depression, and stress try to trick us into believing something that’s not necessarily true. The first step of changing a pattern is always the same: awareness. By becoming more aware of your negative thoughts, you can more easily recognize when they come up. Even recognizing a thought as a cognitive distortion helps us to get some space from it and think about other ways to reframe our experience that are more true and fair to the situation, ourselves, and others.
Take a look at the list below and see which of these common negative thoughts shows up uninvited in your brain. We’ll also practice reframing these thoughts into something more neutral, more positive, or more growth-oriented.
Black and White/All-or-Nothing Thinking
A rigid type of thinking that something or someone is all good or all bad, with no room for shades of gray or flexibility.
Cognitive Distortion: I made a mistake today. I’m a terrible person.
Reframe: I made a mistake today. I’m a good person who sometimes makes mistakes, just like all people do.
Cognitive Distortion: My partner left his dishes in the sink. He never helps out around the house.
Reframe: My partner left his dishes in the sink. I feel frustrated that there are dishes in the sink, at the same time I remember that he usually does his dishes soon after he uses them/he helps out around the house in other ways. Hint: The person in this example may also consider talking to their partner and giving them a friendly reminder about the dishes.
Mental Filter
Very similar to black and white/all or nothing thinking. This negative cognition involves only giving attention to certain information.
Example: Thinking endlessly about your failures but not about your successes.
Example: Failing to take responsibility for hurting someone’s feelings because you’ve been supportive at other times.
Disqualifying the Positive
Also related to Mental Filter and Black and White Thinking. This is when we disregard positive things in favor of a negative view of the situation/ourselves.
Cognitive Distortion: I’m terrible at my job. I always mess things up. Sure, my last performance evaluation was good, but that doesn’t count.
Reframe: I made a mistake today, and that feels uncomfortable because I value doing well at my job. I’ll do what I can to fix things and try to be more careful next time. Everyone makes mistakes sometimes, and I generally do a good job.
Emotional Reasoning
If I think something or feel something, it must be true.
Cognitive Distortion: I missed my sister’s birthday party because I was really sick. I feel like a terrible sister, so I must be one.
Reframe: I missed my sister’s birthday party because I was really sick. Even though I feel like a terrible sister, I know I’m a good sister who is really sad she can’t be there for an important moment. I’ll be sure to give her a call later and maybe take her out just the two of us when I’m feeling better.
Over-Generalization
Assuming that because we had a bad experience, everything is bad.
Cognitive Distortion: I never do anything right. I’m always so awkward.
Reframe: I can feel so anxious sometimes in new social settings. I also remember that even if I don’t end up becoming friends with the people I met today, I have other people in my life who value my company. Is there something I can learn from this experience?
Catastrophizing and Minimizing
These are two sides of the same coin. Catastrophizing is blowing things out of proportion. Minimizing is downplaying the importance/significance of something.
Catastrophizing Cognitive Distortion: I accidentally sent an email to the wrong person. I’m going to get fired.
Reframe: I accidentally sent an email to the wrong person. It was an honest mistake, and I did what I could to fix it. A week from now it’s likely no one will even remember this happening.
Minimizing Cognitive Distortion: So what if I got drunk and yelled at you last night? It doesn’t count because I wasn’t sober. Don’t get so upset.
Reframe: Just because I was drunk doesn’t mean my words weren’t hurtful. I’m responsible for my actions, even if I would have chosen something different if I was sober. It’s up to me to apologize, try to make things right, and take steps to ensure this doesn’t happen again.
Jumping to Conclusions
Drawing conclusions before we have all the facts because our anxiety is telling us the worst case scenario MUST be true.
Mind Reading: Assuming we know what another person is thinking.
Cognitive Distortion: I accidentally used the wrong pronoun for them. Even though I apologized and they accepted it, they probably hate me and are telling everyone what a bad person I am.
Reframe: I apologized and they told me it was okay. I haven’t heard them talking to anyone about what a bad person I am, so I can’t assume that’s happening. Everyone makes mistakes, the important thing is that I’m trying.
Fortune Telling: Assuming we know what will happen in the future.
Cognitive Distortion: If I go on this date, she’s going to think I’m boring and never call me again anyway, so why bother even trying?
Reframe: I feel nervous about this date. It’s possible it won’t end well, but hey, everyone has bad dates. If I don’t go, I’ll never get the chance to go on a good date and find someone great.
The “S” Word: Should
With Ourselves
Speaking critically to ourselves using “should” can make us feel like we’ve already failed at something. In the mental health world we call this “should-ing all over yourself”. Try replacing “should” with “want to” for a more empowering reframe.
Cognitive Distortion: I shouldn’t feel so down, I have a great life.
Reframe: I want to feel happier/calmer. It’s confusing, because I have so many things I’m grateful for, too.
With Others
Using “should” language with others can set the other person up for failure and set us up for disappointment.
Cognitive Distortion: Even though I told my boyfriend I didn’t want anything for Valentine’s Day, he should have known to get me something nice anyway!
Reframe: My boyfriend took me at my word when I told him I didn’t want anything. If I want something, I’ll be sure to ask for it directly in the future so that there are no misunderstandings.
Labeling
Name calling ourselves or others. This is related to over-generalization and is generally unhelpful, as it’s very final and leaves no room for flexibility or the possibility of growth.
Cognitive Distortion: I’m such a loser, I’ll never find anyone.
Reframe: I feel really lonely right now, and wish I could skip ahead to the part of my life where I’m married to my soulmate. I know there are a lot of people who feel just like I do, I’m not alone in this.
Which of these cognitive distortions sound familiar to you? Reframing cognitive distortions is just one way we can work to manage negative thoughts so that they don’t get in the way of us living the life we want to live. Schedule your free 15 minute therapy consultation and let’s talk about your goals for evicting the unhelpful critical voice in your mind.
Find balance, feel at peace. Reach out and connect with an Austin EMDR Therapist today.
